Animals love me.

For instance, when I was a kid, growing up on a farm, a cow was once so torn between eating and being near me, it decided to stand on my foot while it ate. And it would not move.


Also, snakes lived inside the walls of our basement as a kid. We didn't know until after we moved and the next people who lived there tore down the sheet rock while remodeling. My dad thought he saw a snake in the family room a couple of times, but we all thought he was crazy. Turns out he was, but right about the snake nonetheless.
There were like 200 of them. Seriously.

One day while I was walking to school in grade 12, a bird picked me to poop on. Yup, right on the top of the head.


I used to have a little toy poodle puppy that had so much love and respect for me, that when she slept with me one night, she went to the opposite side of the bed from me to poop. On the bed.

Maybe it was revenge for the stupid purse I used to make her hide in at restaurants.

Or maybe it was because I didn't take her to Yoga.





Yeah, I saw this on TV the other night. What a racket. They get us to spend money on dogs in the stupidest ways.




Google gave me these pics, but I was a little let down that I couldn't find better ones. Some of the poses I saw on TV were kinda disgusting. I'm sure you can imagine.