Happy Birthday Roger!

My bother Roger is a warlock, he was born on Halloween hundreds of years ago. (I can't remember how old he is). He might be a little freaky, he might not have a blog, (I know, right!) and he might refuse to comment on my blog, but he is still a great brother. He is always there when I need him. Thanks Roger and happy birthday!

This post brought to you ! and ( )

This blog is turning into a regular politcal forum

Mass. Senator Wilkerson was recently caught accepting bribes and other unethical activities.

This is a photo of her allegedly stuffing money that didn't rightfully belong to her into her bra.

I don't know about you, but if I am going to stuff items into my bra, I reach in from the top.

Voting is your civic duty.

So Roxy and I are having a contest to see who's pumpkin is cuter. She insists my pumpkin is cuter and I insist hers is. So in today's democratic atmosphere, we concluded the only way to true resolution was a public vote.



Option 1: cute cat thingy



Option 2: ghost


We used patterns and technically I carved both of them, but her hand rested on top of mine while we did hers. In an effort for true bipartisan results, I'm not disclosing who's pumpkin is who's.


But I still say hers is cuter.


So please vote, it is your public duty.

I'm practically Stephenie Myer

Last night I dreamt about what I should write about. It wasn't a sparkling dude or anything, but still, isn't that a sign that I should have lots of money?

I dreamt some kids labelling everything in my house in braille with puff paint. It wasn't like a braille vision or anything like that, but braille has been on my mind a lot lately. Why? I don't know.

But have you noticed the strange places they put braille?

It's one thing to have blind folk driving around using ATMs and reading braille street signs, but a braille tattoo. I think that's going just a little too far.

I've mentioned I'm judgemental, right?

So this guy came in for service the other day in his new convertible. You'll never guess what he was blasting on his cd player.



The Top Gun soundtrack.



Is it just me, or does that say one of two things? a) mid-life crisis, or b) small parts syndrome? Maybe both?

Thriller

So my friend Lisa dances for Odyssey Dance in Salt Lake and right now they are doing a Halloween show.

It. Is. Awesome!

If you're looking for a great date night or even a fun night out with the girls I HIGHLY recommend it. But I left my littles at home, it can be a wee bit scary for them. (Did I just have a Scottish accent?)

Lisa is a featured dancer on

Wed Oct 22nd
Sat Oct 25th (eve)
Fri Oct 31
Sat nov 1 (eve)

I personally believe you'll enjoy the show more on one of those nights. Last year we went on Halloween and it was a great atmosphere. We went again last Sat. night and loooved it again. And now I have a total girl crush on Lisa. That girl can move.

I'm not big into plugging things, but this is worth it (and no Lisa, did not ask me to say any of this).

I feel like a train car

Tagged again. 7 Things.

7 things I can do

1. Change oil on my car

2. Make great oatmeal/choc. chip cookies

3. Whine

4. Get something I started done

5. Walk away from something not worth finishing

6. Chicken out from starting something I'm scared of

7. Out-eat anyone I know when it comes to ice cream

7 things I cannot do

1. Tame lions

2. Artificially inseminate a cow

3. Hike up Mt. Everest

4. Change the oil in your car

5. Fly

6. Stop a bullet

7. Dance

7 Things that attract me to men

1. Humor

2. Smiles

3. Money

4. Money

5. Money

6. Money

7. Money

7 Things I say most often

1. I'm

2. not

3. in

4. the

5. mood

6. tonight

7. honey

7 Celebrity Admiration's

1. Brad and Angie

2. Kristina P

3. Papa Smurf

4. Huck Finn

5. Friends, not the real actors, the characters

6. *Mary*

7. Myself of course

7 Favorite foods

1. Foods

2. That

3. I

4. Can

5. Chew

6. With

7. Braces

7 People I tag

1. Suzanne

2. Roger

3. Christine

4. Amanda

5. Katie

6. April

7. Blaine

Psych! said the psychic.

So let me start by saying that I don't really believe in psychics. I think they are just really good at asking leading questions and getting enough info to give generic answers to those who are willing to read into them for details. Did that make sense?

Anyway, there is this one, Karen the Southern Psychic, that I've heard on the radio show that is on while I drive home. She's pretty good and I wanted to give her a try. And as miracles would have it, I got through the phone lines.

It started off badly, I had to tell her my freakin' name. Seriously!!! She didn't already know it was me that would be the next caller.

Then I had to tell her why I was calling. I tried to be super vague so she couldn't figure out 'what I wanted to hear', and strangely she wasn't getting a very clear reading. I told her I was wondering about my Dad. Any real psychic would know he's been dead for 13 years, but nope, not Karen. So I caved and told her he pulled his own plug and asked where he's at now. She said there is a lot of confusion and anger surrounding his death. You don't say, confusion and anger with a suicide? Then she guessed at few other things and wasn't getting anywhere so she changed the subject. To money.

Now she really had me convinced, she was able to tell that finances are a concern for me and my husband. GET OUT! How did she know, in an economy like this one where everyone is so prosperous. Wow.

Anyway, I blew some smoke up her... well, what I mean is, I lied and told her I thought she was great.

What is your opinion on psychics?

I finally get it!!!

Bella wanted Edward to turn her into a vampire so she would quit getting her period.

How has blogging changed my life?

*This morning, as I was taking 9 minute snoozes for about an hour, I was sort of dreaming. The format of my dream was posts and comments.

*On Saturday I went to lunch with a group of strangers off the Internet who all know stuff about each other. Weird right? It was way out of my comfort zone so I talked Blaine into going with me, which wasn't that hard, cuz what guy doesn't want to have lunch with a dozen chicks from the web? We ended up needing to bring the kids with us, which I was really worried about since I think it was kind of a no kids thing. Luckily, our kids are pretty awesome and I don't think they disturbed anyone too much. And like the rest of us, they really looooved Mary. The best part of having my whole family there while I met strange Internet people, was it was like having my comfort blanket with me. And after we ate, I pretended Roxy needed to go potty, but really I just needed to go clean out my braces. I knew she'd come in useful someday.

*When I was a kid I wanted an imaginary friend but wasn't really creative enough to make one up. Now I have like 30 imaginary friends. It's awesome!

The walmart lady rebuked me

Listen, I'm a good girl. But today I went to Wal-mart. As I was leaving the old lady greeter person was friendly as usual.

"Thank you for shopping at Wal-mart on this fine Sabbath Day."

LOOK, I'M SORRY YOU HAVE TO WORK TODAY, BUT WHEN A GIRL NEEDS CAFFEINE AND CHOCOLATE, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK IT IS. I yelled back at her in my head.

I've made a Presidential candiate decision!

That's right, David Palmer.

Think about it, he's already got great experience and his moral values are unbeatable. Under pressure he can quickly make a good decision. He survived several assassination attempts, won several battles against terrorists, faced nuclear bomb threats, fought the oil companies and even suffered personally from a deadly terrorist virus. As if that's not enough, his own administration had him overthrown, only to realize later that he had done no wrong, of course, and reinstated him. And all that took him what, three days?

Plus, don't even get me started on his wife, anyone who could deal with that beast could easily rule the free world.

Too bad he was shot in the neck and killed.

Just look how good he looks at a press conference.

I'm a grouchy bitch today

Yesterday when I went home from work early I stopped by Wal-hell and bought myself chocolate pudding and chocolate ice cream.
Today every little thing is pissing me off BIG time.
Wonder what that could mean...

Finally the care it needs.

My coworker finally came back into town, so yesterday I was able to leave work early. I headed straight for my bed, (right after getting some double choc. brownie ice cream) and gave it the attention and comfort it needed.

I really have nothing else to blog about though, I've been super lame about coming up with my own ideas. But upon Suzanne's recommendation, I have spent hours reading jurlpower, and love it, especially her stages of sex. So, if you've come over here looking for entertainment, let me redirect you to jurl.

Seperation Anxiety

My bed has massive attachment issues. This morning it really didn't want me to go. And quite honestly, it broke my heart to leave it.

Guest Blog Winner!

Introducing Suzanne, she's finally pulling some of her blog weight. And with a funny story too.By the way, do you like the way the title makes it sound like she won a contest, rather than me begging her to post for me?


i should give a tiny bit of background. kimba is the nickname of our professional photographer friend. she had already rescheduled our family pictures 3 times and dragged it out almost 2 months before this typical day at the nelson's. calder calls it getting my hair "painted" when i get it highlighted. for those who don't know me, my daughter was born with a birth defect. one of the symptoms was that she had several cysts on her face when she was born. she had them removed when she was 6 months old. she is a doll. she has several tiny scars though. we had one of the best plastic surgeons in utah do the surgery. i wrote this reply to a friend's message to me. she was wondering how my week had been. enjoy. (i've also included some pictures so that you know i'm not making this up)


"the week has been fine. i got my hair "painted"blond again on monday morning for our family pictures that night. unfortunately, it was so cold and windy that kimba decided that we shouldn't do it. i commented to her that it had been a miracle that calder and hillary were still bruise and scratch free and i hoped it would last another week so we could reschedule.


defeated in family pictures, i decided to tackle calder's potty issue that night instead. when i noticed him hiding under the table to poop, i whisked him to the bathroom and took his diaper from him. after 35 minutes and a dozen books, he said that he didn't need to go anymore. unrelenting, i told him that he couldn't have his diaper back. he was to go bottomless until he could poop in the toilet. i told him that his other option was to go outside like winney (our dog). ten minutes later, he asked me to take him out. that same bitter cold and wind that cancelled the family pictures was still happening. calder squatted, but kept saying that he was too cold to poop. honestly, i never thought he would even consider doing it outside. thankfully the weather kept him from it.


so we go inside and i start making dinner. i notice him crouched under the table and i ask what he's doing and he says that he is pooping, so i tell him to run to the potty. unfortunately, he didn't make it.

his comment, "mom, my plop didn't go in the plopper, it went on the wood floor."

nice... i scream for cameron (who refused to have any part in my bizarre potty training technique, other than taking a picture of us standing in the freezing, windy yard) to corral the children and dog in another room while i disinfect. 20 minutes later they begin to trickle back in, calder first. hillary is bawling and cameron is holding her head. he moves his hand to tell me that she fell down in the hall and i see blood everywhere. i calmly say, "dear, there's blood. take her in the bathroom." so, there is this perfect specimen of puncture wound on her forehead. i can see that it will need to be stitched and since that's not my bag i declare that we must go to the er. funny thing is hillary is wearing nothing but a long-sleeved onesie covered in blood and strawberry juice. calder, who for some reason has now donned big boy underwear, is in a t-shirt and tennis shoes with no socks. cameron is still in his dry clean only duds from work. i put a pull-up over calder's unders and then get him dressed. hillary couldn't be salvaged because i didn't want to put anything over her head and upset the wound. i'm sure we looked pretty good strolling into the alta view er.


hillary got the liquid stitches that is like superglue. she will have a scar, but she's down with that since she already has 10 others on her face! anyway,the glue will flake off in 10-12 days. i promised to come back in 48 hours and keep track of signs of infection.



we go home.
calder goes to bed.
hillary cries but goes to sleep soon enough.
2:30am she has a fever of 103+. she won't take medicine.
anal suppository.
cry, cry, cry.
we all fall asleep from exhaustion.
i get up at 6 to check her.
she's burning hot and crying again. i find the info from the er regarding infection.
no redness, swelling, oozing. only high fever. decide not to go back until the 48hours happen. spend the entire day trying to comfort, cool and hydrate hillary, while loading barney videos into the vcr for calder.
wendy's for dinner.
wed am, after another sleepless night and more fever, i take her back to alta view er.they say that she looks great, but she has an ear infection! bless it.



anyway, now i have a kid who poops on my floor and one scarface who can't possibly be photographed this month. what do you think the chances are that once hillary heals, i can keep them bruise and scratch free for another 2 weeks while i wait to get our picture appointment? and, by then my hair roots will have to be painted again! the week has been good. thanks for asking."




Ah Suzanne, you're hilarious, and have a beautiful family. Thanks so much for doing this for me. You've always been there for me when I need you. Now seriously, get your own blog, so I can read it.

Christine and Roger, I still need posts from each of you.

Accepting Applications

Lately, I've been pretty busy at work which leaves me little time to blog. It also drains all the blogging creativity out of me. So I decided I need someone to write me a really funny guest post. I know that's not the way it normally works, but that just makes it even better.
So, if you want to write something really funny for me, let me know. It's not enough that I expect you to entertain me on your blog, now I want you to entertain me on my blog too. I know, right.

*If you don't have a blog, you should definitely nominate yourself, cuz lets face it, you're not pulling your blog weight. (Suzanne)