Tuesday, December 30, 2008


Why would I want to post something new when I got my record  number of comments with my blogcation post. 

Friday, November 21, 2008


I'm feeling a generally overwhelmed right now and in an effort to simply my life, I'll be taking a brief blogcation.

I will however continue to stalk your blogs to keep me entertained. I just don't have it in me to contribute right now.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The truth

When is a good time to tell your kids the wonderful truth about Santa. I remember hearing about it at school in second grade. I denied it fervently. When my parents finally told me the truth I was a little mad at them, they had let me make a fool of myself defending a lie. I don't want to wait too long with my kids and have them feel the same thing. But I also don't want to take away the magic too soon.

Any thoughts?

Monday, November 17, 2008

Sometimes I wonder

if my kids have any I idea that Blaine and I don't know what we're doing. Seriously, I'm the mom?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Happy Birthday Blaine!

Today is an important landmark in the blogoshere. It is my 100th post. Woweee. And it just so happens that Blaine's birthday was yesterday. So I get to dedicate this very important post to him.

When we were first married, we took this picture of ourselves.

It has been a favorite of ours for a long time. So when we recently went to take family pictures, again at a train, we decided we should try to recreate it. This is the result:

If you zoom in, you can see that we have grown tenfold. There is so much more of us to love. We have been through many ups and downs over the years, and ate our way through it. But here we are together. Hip hip hooray, and happy birthday. I love you Blaine.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The wisdom and violence of a child

This morning as I was leaving for work, I asked Benji if he knows how much I love him. He thought about it for maybe three seconds and responded:

"Enough to blow up the whole world, without killing anyone"

So yeah, I guess he knows.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Alvin and Bootsy

Oh, how I love the movie Savannah Smiles. I remember watching it on satellite as a kid and just crying and crying. Back then, it defined tragedy to me as much as Romeo and Juliet does now. If you've never seen it, you should rent it.

*Beware it is from the early eighties and might have been low budget even then. It is a little hard to find, but I checked it out from my local library last night, so you might find it at yours.

On another note, I loooove me some Cadbury mini-eggs, I know everyone says that, but I REALLY, REALLY DO. At Christmas they repackage them as just Christmas chocolate balls and they are different colored, but basically the same thing.

You combine mini-eggs and Savannah Smiles and you've got what I did last night. Really, does it get any better? I submit, it does not. Oh yeah, I was also sitting under my electric blanket while enjoying those two pleasures. So you're with me right?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Me and Calvin both

Friday, November 7, 2008

No Dignity Friday Returns!

It's been awhile since I did a no dignity Friday, so I figured it was time. This post is very loosely based on a tag from Loralee about high school. I'm not actually doing the tag, I'm just going to show you embarrassing pictures from high school. That's a fair trade, right?

This is, or was, my most guarded secret. I was a cheerleader in High School. Yep, that's me with the bad form up in the air.

Now for a real gem, this is a picture of me in my graduation dress. I went to a very, very small school (200 kids, k-12, all in one building) and we didn't really have prom, instead we got all dressed up for graduation and had a dance after. No caps and gowns.

I graduated in 1993, so yes, it was OK for me to wear those white nylons with my puffy sleeves. And if you look closely, you can see my lace shoes are dyed to match my dress. Fancy.

So that ought to do it, you can start making fun of me in the comments now.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Happy Birthday Suzanne

Good girlfriends are hard to come by. You know how girls can be, catty, judgemental, even bitchy. But when you find one who is all that and you still like her, and she still likes you when you are those things, you've got a good girlfriend.

Sue thanks for being my friend. (I know how you like it cheesy)

I know it's hard to see, but it is a cross stitch Suzanne made me in 1995 for my birthday. That was such a wonderful summer for me. The cross stitch says "Whatever the struggle continue the climb, it may be only one step to the summit with a friend behind."

We have been to the summits and valleys together. Happy Birthday!

Monday, November 3, 2008

I'm way behind.

I was so lame, I couldn't even find my camera on Halloween, luckily, we took pictures of ourselves the weekend before when we all got dressed for our church party. So here is my obligitory post showing our costumes.

Disclaimer: No, my seven year old did not watch The Dark Knight, but he insisted on being the joker. Insisted. Could have died if he was not the joker. It is VERY important to me everyone know I did not let him watch the movie.

I have to admit, I'm a pretty hot Velma. Roxy is Daphne, she is convinced no one will know if we don't tell them.

I copied my costume after this photo, how'd I do?
p.s. don't google images of velma, you get very disturbing cartoon porn. Please just trust me on this.

*Ramona, this is for you: Unfortunatly, I couldn't find my camera on Halloween, fortunatly, we already had pics in our costumes.
Fortunatly, unfortunatly is ALWAYS on my mind now. Thanks for that.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Birthday Roger!

My bother Roger is a warlock, he was born on Halloween hundreds of years ago. (I can't remember how old he is). He might be a little freaky, he might not have a blog, (I know, right!) and he might refuse to comment on my blog, but he is still a great brother. He is always there when I need him. Thanks Roger and happy birthday!

This post brought to you ! and ( )

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

This blog is turning into a regular politcal forum

Mass. Senator Wilkerson was recently caught accepting bribes and other unethical activities.
This is a photo of her allegedly stuffing money that didn't rightfully belong to her into her bra.

I don't know about you, but if I am going to stuff items into my bra, I reach in from the top.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Voting is your civic duty.

So Roxy and I are having a contest to see who's pumpkin is cuter. She insists my pumpkin is cuter and I insist hers is. So in today's democratic atmosphere, we concluded the only way to true resolution was a public vote.

Option 1: cute cat thingy

Option 2: ghost

We used patterns and technically I carved both of them, but her hand rested on top of mine while we did hers. In an effort for true bipartisan results, I'm not disclosing who's pumpkin is who's.

But I still say hers is cuter.

So please vote, it is your public duty.

I'm practically Stephenie Myer

Last night I dreamt about what I should write about. It wasn't a sparkling dude or anything, but still, isn't that a sign that I should have lots of money?

I dreamt some kids labelling everything in my house in braille with puff paint. It wasn't like a braille vision or anything like that, but braille has been on my mind a lot lately. Why? I don't know.

But have you noticed the strange places they put braille?

It's one thing to have blind folk driving around using ATMs and reading braille street signs, but a braille tattoo. I think that's going just a little too far.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I've mentioned I'm judgemental, right?

So this guy came in for service the other day in his new convertible. You'll never guess what he was blasting on his cd player.

The Top Gun soundtrack.

Is it just me, or does that say one of two things? a) mid-life crisis, or b) small parts syndrome? Maybe both?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


So my friend Lisa dances for Odyssey Dance in Salt Lake and right now they are doing a Halloween show.

It. Is. Awesome!

If you're looking for a great date night or even a fun night out with the girls I HIGHLY recommend it. But I left my littles at home, it can be a wee bit scary for them. (Did I just have a Scottish accent?)

Lisa is a featured dancer on
Wed Oct 22nd
Sat Oct 25th (eve)
Fri Oct 31
Sat nov 1 (eve)

I personally believe you'll enjoy the show more on one of those nights. Last year we went on Halloween and it was a great atmosphere. We went again last Sat. night and loooved it again. And now I have a total girl crush on Lisa. That girl can move.

I'm not big into plugging things, but this is worth it (and no Lisa, did not ask me to say any of this).

Friday, October 17, 2008

I feel like a train car

Tagged again. 7 Things.

7 things I can do

1. Change oil on my car
2. Make great oatmeal/choc. chip cookies
3. Whine
4. Get something I started done
5. Walk away from something not worth finishing
6. Chicken out from starting something I'm scared of
7. Out-eat anyone I know when it comes to ice cream

7 things I cannot do

1. Tame lions
2. Artificially inseminate a cow
3. Hike up Mt. Everest
4. Change the oil in your car
5. Fly
6. Stop a bullet
7. Dance

7 Things that attract me to men

1. Humor
2. Smiles
3. Money
4. Money
5. Money
6. Money
7. Money

7 Things I say most often
1. I'm
2. not
3. in
4. the
5. mood
6. tonight
7. honey

7 Celebrity Admiration's

1. Brad and Angie
3. Papa Smurf
4. Huck Finn
5. Friends, not the real actors, the characters
7. Myself of course

7 Favorite foods

1. Foods
2. That
3. I
4. Can
5. Chew
6. With
7. Braces

7 People I tag
1. Suzanne
2. Roger
3. Christine
4. Amanda
5. Katie
6. April
7. Blaine

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Psych! said the psychic.

So let me start by saying that I don't really believe in psychics. I think they are just really good at asking leading questions and getting enough info to give generic answers to those who are willing to read into them for details. Did that make sense?

Anyway, there is this one, Karen the Southern Psychic, that I've heard on the radio show that is on while I drive home. She's pretty good and I wanted to give her a try. And as miracles would have it, I got through the phone lines.

It started off badly, I had to tell her my freakin' name. Seriously!!! She didn't already know it was me that would be the next caller.

Then I had to tell her why I was calling. I tried to be super vague so she couldn't figure out 'what I wanted to hear', and strangely she wasn't getting a very clear reading. I told her I was wondering about my Dad. Any real psychic would know he's been dead for 13 years, but nope, not Karen. So I caved and told her he pulled his own plug and asked where he's at now. She said there is a lot of confusion and anger surrounding his death. You don't say, confusion and anger with a suicide? Then she guessed at few other things and wasn't getting anywhere so she changed the subject. To money.

Now she really had me convinced, she was able to tell that finances are a concern for me and my husband. GET OUT! How did she know, in an economy like this one where everyone is so prosperous. Wow.

Anyway, I blew some smoke up her... well, what I mean is, I lied and told her I thought she was great.

What is your opinion on psychics?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I finally get it!!!

Bella wanted Edward to turn her into a vampire so she would quit getting her period.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

How has blogging changed my life?

*This morning, as I was taking 9 minute snoozes for about an hour, I was sort of dreaming. The format of my dream was posts and comments.

*On Saturday I went to lunch with a group of strangers off the Internet who all know stuff about each other. Weird right? It was way out of my comfort zone so I talked Blaine into going with me, which wasn't that hard, cuz what guy doesn't want to have lunch with a dozen chicks from the web? We ended up needing to bring the kids with us, which I was really worried about since I think it was kind of a no kids thing. Luckily, our kids are pretty awesome and I don't think they disturbed anyone too much. And like the rest of us, they really looooved Mary. The best part of having my whole family there while I met strange Internet people, was it was like having my comfort blanket with me. And after we ate, I pretended Roxy needed to go potty, but really I just needed to go clean out my braces. I knew she'd come in useful someday.

*When I was a kid I wanted an imaginary friend but wasn't really creative enough to make one up. Now I have like 30 imaginary friends. It's awesome!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The walmart lady rebuked me

Listen, I'm a good girl. But today I went to Wal-mart. As I was leaving the old lady greeter person was friendly as usual.

"Thank you for shopping at Wal-mart on this fine Sabbath Day."


Friday, October 10, 2008

I've made a Presidential candiate decision!

That's right, David Palmer.

Think about it, he's already got great experience and his moral values are unbeatable. Under pressure he can quickly make a good decision. He survived several assassination attempts, won several battles against terrorists, faced nuclear bomb threats, fought the oil companies and even suffered personally from a deadly terrorist virus. As if that's not enough, his own administration had him overthrown, only to realize later that he had done no wrong, of course, and reinstated him. And all that took him what, three days?

Plus, don't even get me started on his wife, anyone who could deal with that beast could easily rule the free world.

Too bad he was shot in the neck and killed.

Just look how good he looks at a press conference.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I'm a grouchy bitch today

Yesterday when I went home from work early I stopped by Wal-hell and bought myself chocolate pudding and chocolate ice cream.
Today every little thing is pissing me off BIG time.
Wonder what that could mean...

Finally the care it needs.

My coworker finally came back into town, so yesterday I was able to leave work early. I headed straight for my bed, (right after getting some double choc. brownie ice cream) and gave it the attention and comfort it needed.

I really have nothing else to blog about though, I've been super lame about coming up with my own ideas. But upon Suzanne's recommendation, I have spent hours reading jurlpower, and love it, especially her stages of sex. So, if you've come over here looking for entertainment, let me redirect you to jurl.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Seperation Anxiety

My bed has massive attachment issues. This morning it really didn't want me to go. And quite honestly, it broke my heart to leave it.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Guest Blog Winner!

Introducing Suzanne, she's finally pulling some of her blog weight. And with a funny story too.By the way, do you like the way the title makes it sound like she won a contest, rather than me begging her to post for me?

i should give a tiny bit of background. kimba is the nickname of our professional photographer friend. she had already rescheduled our family pictures 3 times and dragged it out almost 2 months before this typical day at the nelson's. calder calls it getting my hair "painted" when i get it highlighted. for those who don't know me, my daughter was born with a birth defect. one of the symptoms was that she had several cysts on her face when she was born. she had them removed when she was 6 months old. she is a doll. she has several tiny scars though. we had one of the best plastic surgeons in utah do the surgery. i wrote this reply to a friend's message to me. she was wondering how my week had been. enjoy. (i've also included some pictures so that you know i'm not making this up)

"the week has been fine. i got my hair "painted"blond again on monday morning for our family pictures that night. unfortunately, it was so cold and windy that kimba decided that we shouldn't do it. i commented to her that it had been a miracle that calder and hillary were still bruise and scratch free and i hoped it would last another week so we could reschedule.

defeated in family pictures, i decided to tackle calder's potty issue that night instead. when i noticed him hiding under the table to poop, i whisked him to the bathroom and took his diaper from him. after 35 minutes and a dozen books, he said that he didn't need to go anymore. unrelenting, i told him that he couldn't have his diaper back. he was to go bottomless until he could poop in the toilet. i told him that his other option was to go outside like winney (our dog). ten minutes later, he asked me to take him out. that same bitter cold and wind that cancelled the family pictures was still happening. calder squatted, but kept saying that he was too cold to poop. honestly, i never thought he would even consider doing it outside. thankfully the weather kept him from it.

so we go inside and i start making dinner. i notice him crouched under the table and i ask what he's doing and he says that he is pooping, so i tell him to run to the potty. unfortunately, he didn't make it.

his comment, "mom, my plop didn't go in the plopper, it went on the wood floor."

nice... i scream for cameron (who refused to have any part in my bizarre potty training technique, other than taking a picture of us standing in the freezing, windy yard) to corral the children and dog in another room while i disinfect. 20 minutes later they begin to trickle back in, calder first. hillary is bawling and cameron is holding her head. he moves his hand to tell me that she fell down in the hall and i see blood everywhere. i calmly say, "dear, there's blood. take her in the bathroom." so, there is this perfect specimen of puncture wound on her forehead. i can see that it will need to be stitched and since that's not my bag i declare that we must go to the er. funny thing is hillary is wearing nothing but a long-sleeved onesie covered in blood and strawberry juice. calder, who for some reason has now donned big boy underwear, is in a t-shirt and tennis shoes with no socks. cameron is still in his dry clean only duds from work. i put a pull-up over calder's unders and then get him dressed. hillary couldn't be salvaged because i didn't want to put anything over her head and upset the wound. i'm sure we looked pretty good strolling into the alta view er.

hillary got the liquid stitches that is like superglue. she will have a scar, but she's down with that since she already has 10 others on her face! anyway,the glue will flake off in 10-12 days. i promised to come back in 48 hours and keep track of signs of infection.

we go home.
calder goes to bed.
hillary cries but goes to sleep soon enough.
2:30am she has a fever of 103+. she won't take medicine.
anal suppository.
cry, cry, cry.
we all fall asleep from exhaustion.
i get up at 6 to check her.
she's burning hot and crying again. i find the info from the er regarding infection.
no redness, swelling, oozing. only high fever. decide not to go back until the 48hours happen. spend the entire day trying to comfort, cool and hydrate hillary, while loading barney videos into the vcr for calder.
wendy's for dinner.
wed am, after another sleepless night and more fever, i take her back to alta view er.they say that she looks great, but she has an ear infection! bless it.

anyway, now i have a kid who poops on my floor and one scarface who can't possibly be photographed this month. what do you think the chances are that once hillary heals, i can keep them bruise and scratch free for another 2 weeks while i wait to get our picture appointment? and, by then my hair roots will have to be painted again! the week has been good. thanks for asking."

Ah Suzanne, you're hilarious, and have a beautiful family. Thanks so much for doing this for me. You've always been there for me when I need you. Now seriously, get your own blog, so I can read it.

Christine and Roger, I still need posts from each of you.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Accepting Applications

Lately, I've been pretty busy at work which leaves me little time to blog. It also drains all the blogging creativity out of me. So I decided I need someone to write me a really funny guest post. I know that's not the way it normally works, but that just makes it even better.
So, if you want to write something really funny for me, let me know. It's not enough that I expect you to entertain me on your blog, now I want you to entertain me on my blog too. I know, right.

*If you don't have a blog, you should definitely nominate yourself, cuz lets face it, you're not pulling your blog weight. (Suzanne)

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I showered at 3 am

because I woke up drenched in someone else's pee.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sexy pinewood derby car and the zoo.

I work in a car shop and for one of our team meetings we are having a pinewood derby race. I figure I have little chance of winning against mechanics, so I decided to make it fun.

Behold, my idea of a pinewood derby car:

I would never even wear that shoe in real life, but it's kinda sexy-cute, don't ya think?

This weekend we went to the zoo. Good times.

Blaine looks so funny, I would never be caught doing that.

Ten minutes later he persuaded me.

This is my best attempt to be a sexy spider. I think my pasty white legs steal the show.

Mama chick and her egglings.

White alligator. I guess there are only about 10 left in the world and they are sure to go extinct.

Ben had to stop every 15 mins to consultant with the zoo map, it was really cute.

Flashback to Disneyland May 2007, Ben consulting the Disney map:

I guess he's big into planning. I can't wait until he's old enough to plan our household, Roxy can cook and Blaine and I can just sit back.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Is it an internet virus?

Recently two of my blog friends, Kristina and Lorrie, had the flu and now I have it. But I've never even met them.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Lazy, lazy

Today I have a really bad headache, so rather than write my own post, I'd rather link you to something much, much funnier than something I could write.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Today, I will not break the law.

My ex-brother-in-law is in jail, for reasons I won't go into here, let's just say we're glad he's there. And hope he stays for a long, long time. Which is why I showed up for his sentencing hearing.

I was fascinated watching all the inmates file into the courtroom, they have them sit in the jury box, which just adds to my reasons for not wanting to be a juror. They wear jail clothes, but not usually jumpsuits, just orange scrubs. Their hands and feet are shackled and they shuffle to their chairs. I was thinking about what they miss about freedom, what they hate about being locked up. What will make them change their lives and never come back?

Do they miss having cigarettes, hair brushes, snacks whenever they feel like it? What would I hate most about jail, that would motivate me from never going back, or being there in the first place?

As I was my ex-bro-in-law shuffled his way before the judge, his orange, scrub-like prison pants were slowly inching their way down, down, down. And when his crack was about to be revealed, my answer was revealed to me. Jail issued underwear. Imagine wearing the same underoos as all the other inmates, you just throw them in the laundry hamper and get another pair back, who wore them last?

So, today and tomorrow and all tomorrows after I will keep the law so I never have to wear those things.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I don't have any quirks

Loralee tagged me.

The Rules:
Link the Person who Tagged you-
Mention rules on your blog-
Tell about 6 quirks of yours-
Tag 6 fellow bloggers to do the same-
Leave a comment to let them know.

#1: I love hand sanitizer. I wish all restaurants had it at all the tables.

#2: I constantly pick at my skin. I can't stand the thought of there being anything under my skin, so I pick and cause more problems.

#3: Since I got braces, I carry around a little compact with me. Last night when I was out with my mom and sisters they told me I look in it a lot. They accused me of being vain, really I'm just self-conscious.

#4: I'm scared of spiders in the house, but they don't bother me outside.

#5: I don't eat meat, but I encourage my kids too.

#6: I go out of my way to avoid it, but when I do it, I like it.

Now I tag Robyn, Lisa, Kristy, Jenn, Kim, and Sara.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

What a crappy way to start a Saturday

This morning I woke up around 8:30 in the morning. That wasn't crappy, that was AWESOME since I usually get up at 6. When I lazily turned on the TV with my breakfast, TBS was playing I AM SAM.
Let me just say I think that movie is brilliant, the actors are the most amazing ever, and it's directed super cool. But no one should ever, ever watch that movie. I've had a cry-hangover headache all day now.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

No Dignity Flashback Friday again.

Have you ever pooped your pants at work? I have. But strangely, I'm not really that embarrassed about it. I mean it wasn't my fault or anything. I didn't even know I was going to pass gas, much less pass poop. It just happened. And it sucked.
And now everyone knows. Aren't you glad there are no pictures along with this flashback?

How to get married.

There is a guy at my work who is single and really wants to get married. He's a great guy, successful, religious, hard working, owns his own house, and it's nice. Why single you ask? I have a theory.

No garbage can in the guest bathroom. Seriously. So he has a date over and she's got her period. Awkward. Now she has choose between putting her plastic applicator in her pocket or flushing it. She is NEVER coming back.

Are you with me girls?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Psychedelic Sexy

The other night we went to Classic Skating with Ben and Roxy's school. Sounds like fun right?
Ben had a good time, for that matter so did Roxy.

You just can't tell by looking at her.

But no one had as much fun as the adolescent boys.
My bra was glowing through my shirt under the black light.
AWESOME! I couldn't have felt like a bigger creep.

Heck is for people that don't believe in gosh